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I dreamed a dream
I didn’t have a lot reasons to go, but actually I had enough time to think about it. Turning my head to the east, then to the west and I looked out. All the cars came towards me. Yes, I shall die, but when? If it was now I’d be fallen down on the street. Maybe tomorrow or the day after. No, nobody can know it. Only God can. Yes, he is the only person who can. I reached home and I took a seat. My parents weren’t home, like always. I looked at the clock and saw it was not time to go bed yet. I walked to the television and watched it, something was read out of the bible. Yes, a part I know. I did not change channels, I knew the words. I repeated them. They were beautiful. Yes, dying in the place of someone I loved seemed like a way I wanted to go. A way everyone wants to go, to help someone else from dying. Last month I had enough reasons to think about it, but I didn’t. I wanted to stay here with my love. The love of my life. Someone who’d never leave me, or did he? Someone who always offered him for me, or didn’t he? The things I saw in my last months were awful or just full of joy. The craziest things happened. With ice in my heart I touched the window. I don’t want to think about those things. The words on the television filled the room. Love is the same as friends, some people said. It was definitely not the same. Feeling love was twisting your brains and stomach. Friendship was trust and honesty. But then again that was the same with love. Sometimes I felt my brain twisting, but that was happening because of one person. Just one person who came in my life a month ago. And then I left him, he left me. I didn’t feel anything without him. No love, no happiness, everything went wrong. Like everyone knew, fire and ice could not be together.

The first day of the new school year. I was glad the previous year was over. We had such a stupid tutor. All those lessons, I began being bored. I cycled to school. It was a very short day, just 5 lessons. Next week we would go to England. That was nice, because I wasn’t been to another country than Germany, and of course the Netherlands. Where I live. So I went to my locker to dump my gymnastic bag and my coat. There were a lot of persons behind me, waiting until they could dump their stuff. I stood up again –my locker was down. I turned and there was a person, I collided, because I didn’t watch out. I felt down. A smile filled his face. He reached me his hand and I took it to get up. I sighed. I looked into his eyes and I saw a sweet face. His eyes met mine and he stole my heart. My head did hurt, but I didn’t care.
"Hey, my name is Ramon", he said. I sighed again.
"Sandra", I said. He smiled, not only with his mouth but with his eyes too. I laughed.
"In which class are you?", he asked.
"In a stupid class. Class 2H", I said and he smiled. We started walking to the canteen.
"I'm in class 3VT." I thought that was alright, but I never spoke to them and I never contacted them.
"I think I'll go to my own classmates", I said. He nodded. The bell rang. The first lesson. I was glad to see my friends again. And the teachers a bit, some of them. My first lesson was English, that wasn’t that hard. In the lesson I sat next to Danielle. She was my best friend in my class. She was talking about her holiday, actually I did not listen at all. But who cares. The class wasn’t quite. It was never quite. Some people just needed to talk. However, I did not care about them.

The day went on quickly. I couldn’t cycle with one of my friends, they had lessons. I was going by bike. I sighed when I took my bicycle, but then I saw him again. Ramon... I cycled towards him and I looked at him.
"Waiting?", I asked. He nodded.
"Yes, for you", he said. My brain was twisting.
"Where do you live then?", I asked.
"Somewhere, you'll see it later, I just cycle home with you", he said. It was very kind of him. We cycled towards my home, which wasn't that far away. We talked about everything we could. Everything. I told him my secrets. We just knew each other for one day, but I trusted him. That was something I didn't have with a lot of my friends, he was very kind to me. He said very nice things, like, how sad and I'll be there for you, forever. Then we arrived at my place. Nobody was home. I was alone, like always. My parents worked hard to get money. I sighed, now I had to leave him.
"Hope I'll see you tomorrow", I said and I smiled at him. He laughed, again with his dark eyes. I smiled and I walked inside my home. Laughing, smiling, twisting, everything at the same time, how was it possible. I gave him my number, that was the nicest.

The last school day before England, the last day I could see him. However, I went school by bike and my friend, Annemarieke was cycling next to me. She only talked about Rick Astley, it became boring after a while. After a few lessons the break started. We went to the canteen. When I was in the canteen I saw him. I sighed and walked towards him. My friend followed me, I didn’t care about that fact.
“There you are again”, I said. He smiled. His friends were standing behind him. It was funny to see. His friends were a lot smaller than him, I was even smaller, that was pretty weird. It was love, the only thing I could believe in. My dreams were actually pretty fine, I always dreamt about some nice guys, who were famous, like hell. I couldn’t get them, even if I wanted. I sighed. Annemarieke saw Helen and we walked towards her. I felt a warm hand in my hand, I looked at it and I saw his hand in mine. I smiled and he let me go. I heard his friends laugh. They heard me laugh. It was like a dream come true. I was sitting on a chair and I looked at my friends, who were talking about Dennis. I thought, why about him? Listen to me, I can tell a lot about Ramon. But if I did that they would say that it was Ramon from 2I. No, that wasn’t my Ramon. I watched his way, he was talking to some other girls, one with straight hair and one with curls. However, I thought he loved one of them and definitely not me. Why would he fall in love with someone who just was a girl of the first grade, no one would do that. I ate my sandwich and I felt terrible after the drink. My stomach didn’t like apple juice, I thought. However, we walked to the lesson, together with Danielle of course. I thought we had French.
I still felt pain in my stomach when we were out of school. I never felt that before. What was wrong with me? I knew Ramon was out already. I cycled home and I needed to pack my bags for next week. I wouldn’t see him again for a while. A week. I could not handle that. Or did I? When I was home I immediately took a paper, I had inspiration because of him. I took a music sheet too. I could write music, but I only could when I had inspiration because of love or friendship. I had written a song for my best friend, a lullaby. I wrote lyrics too, only they were all very bad. Too bad. This time I tried to write something down. Music was lots easier than lyrics. In the lyrics you needed to tell something with words, in music you just wrote something because you wanted to tell something without words. That was easier for me. I turned to my piano and I gave a long exasperated look to the wall. Not to someone else, just to the wall. I closed my eyes, shaking my head through the music. Every note I played I wrote down. It became a melody, I could make a lullaby for Ramon. But I wanted to tell something else in the song. The music became softer, turning in something unbearably sweet. But that was my opinion. I looked at the time, it wasn’t late, but I needed to do my homework. So I did that. All formulas. Mathematics, the most difficult subject, I thought. Then my cell phone rang and I decided to take a look. I saw a message - Anonymous. It was lovely to read it. It twisted my brains again.

I wanted to try your number.
I wanted to know if it was real.
Next week you’re going to England.
I’m going to miss you and the times
you were talking to me.
Can I see you tomorrow?

He wanted to see me. That was the part I liked the most. I wish I could see him too. I wanted to see him. But where and when? Tomorrow my parents went to the city together with my sister, because she needed something. Whatever. I don’t want to be there. I heard the door, I looked around the corner and I saw that my mom was there. Always busy with her job.

“Hi, mom”, I said when she came in.
“Hi, how was school today?”, my mom asked. So, how can you tell someone that you met the nicest guy of your life just a few days ago? That was kind of impossible to say, or wasn’t it? Could I tell her? Could I trust her was better to say.
“Actually, kind of boring, we had nothing to do. The only thing we did was talking, that was nice”, I lied. There was enough to do, but talking was still the nicest. I turned to Mathematics again, just a few exercises and I was done. I hoped those were the last ones. I decided to take a look at my agenda, no homework anymore. I was waiting for that moment. I sighed and I took my cell phone. Maybe I could ask Annemarieke if I could come over. I asked and typed it in very fast. I still needed to sent something to Ramon, but I couldn’t, what could I say?
After a few short minutes my cell phone rang and I saw a message from Annemarieke. She said that I could come and that we could watch a film if I wanted to. I agreed and I went to Annemarieke. Annemarieke with her cartoons. She wanted to see The prince of Egypt. That was fine with me, I didn’t watch cartoons that often, so I didn’t know that one. I took a seat on the sofa and Annemarieke switched on the television so we could watch. It started with a song. Pretty weird. After an hour watching to the television I became bored. Actually, it was a stupid film, there was no reason, nothing. It was just an old bible story. But in a modern version. I went home when the film was finished, next time I would bring a film with me. A nicer film, no not a cartoon, that were not my favorites.
“I think I’ll go home”, I said with a sigh.
‘See you on Monday’, she said and smiled. She waved at me and I left.
I took my coat and I cycled home. The thing was that I didn’t send a message to Ramon yet. However, I needed to pack my bags for Monday. I came home early and there was food for me on the table. My mom was gone, she was going to a performance of 80’s music. No, I didn’t want to be there. I walked upstairs and took my favorite book. Then I put it in a bag, a kind of big suitcase. There were wheels beneath it, so I could roll it behind me, otherwise it was pretty heavy. I put some clothes in it and a lot of other stuff. And of course candy. All that unimportant stuff you don’t need, but I needed it. I took my make-up, yeah I used it in the morning but I just packed it. So, no make-up tomorrow and Monday, I guess. After an hour of packing I became tired, so I went to my bed. I fell asleep fast. Then Sunday went on quite quickly. I didn’t do a lot, just watch some tv and check out my mail, chat with friends. So Sunday was the most boring day of the week. So I stood up that morning and I took some clothes to wear, I still didn’t sent a message to Ramon, why didn’t I? Was I scared? Of course I wasn’t. I took my phone out of my trousers that I wore yesterday. I sighed and started.

I’m sorry for the late reaction.
I couldn’t do it earlier.
I can see you in the afternoon today,
Maybe we can do something special.

Immediately I got a message back.

Yeah, we can go to the cinema tonight

I smiled and agreed, he’d pick me up at 7. I liked that. I didn’t want to ask my parents, they wouldn’t agree like always. I switched on my computer and checked msn. Annemarieke was online, she always liked to have some details. I clicked on her name.

Annemarieke <3 Richard <3 Never gonna give you up says:
Sandra…||Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget|| says:
Annemarieke <3 Richard <3 Never gonna give you up says:
England tomorrow, aren’t you excited? I am.
Sandra…||Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget|| says:
Yeah, I am, but I’m more excited about tonight
Annemarieke <3 Richard <3 Never gonna give you up says:
Tell me…
Sandra…||Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget|| says:
I’m going to the cinema with Ramon
Annemarieke <3 Richard <3 Never gonna give you up says:
That guy out of our class!! But I need to go… Packing my bags.
Sandra…||Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget|| says:
Ok, no not with that Ramon, another one. I’ll tell you the details later on.
Annemarieke <3 Richard <3 Never gonna give you up says:
Ok, bye

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